FruitFlesh: Creation Myths

Wed Feb 24, 2010, 12:49 PM
Mood: Compassion
Reading: White witch, black curse by Kim Harrison
Watching: Grosse Pointe Blank
Eating: melon and pineapple
Drinking: Tea
Do you know the tale of your own beginnings? If you know the true story of your conception, your birth, write about it. If you don’t know, try to find out where and when you were created.

Now, whether or not you know the real facts, write about how you wish your life began. Spin an elaborate creation myth that tells how your body came to be alive in the world.

********************

You might like to read a few creation myths from different cultures to get your started.
I am also looking at this as an opportunity to talk about my creation in more than just my physical body. My spiritual self, my emotional self, who I want to be rather than who I am at the moment, those sorts of things.

Fruitflesh – Opening the Velvet Rope

Tue Jul 28, 2009, 7:50 PM
Mood: Cheerful
Listening to: the Fox radio
Reading: Fruitflesh, Bloodsucking Fiends by Christopher Moo
Drinking: juice
This Way

Slicing a peach
for her cereal, the poet
hears a rhythm, feels
anticipation the eager body
thinks is sex. Let it.
But keep the mind cool,
receptive, unresisting
as emptied houses the sea
takes when the break-
wall gives. Leave
the radio off, the phone
unhooked. Let newspapers bleach
on the front steps. Whatever
comes, pulsing
astonished on your desk, gawky,
unbeautiful, nothing
you want to claim except
the glint in its eye, that familial
wink, names it kin–let it.

Sally Croft
*********************

When words come through us–gawky, unbeautiful words–how do we let them in without shaking our heads, clucking our tongues, saying “Oh, no, you’re not gorgeous enough to walk past this velvet rope. This club is exclusive. You don’t belong here”? Our inner critics can be merciless; they want the words on the page to be sterilized to perfection. But who wants to shake it on a dance floor that’s full of only impossibly manicured, airbrushed folk? The goofy drunken guests who make fools of themselves, the wild child dancers with twigs in their unbrushed hair make the party so much more interesting. How do we open up the velvet rope, make room for even the unwashed words, the unfashionable words, the words with warts and moles to sashay on through?

….Gayle Brandeis, Fruitflesh author, then describes how useful timed freewriting can be.

Take this and run with it!!

Fruitflesh – journaling

Fruitflesh – journaling
Thu Jun 4, 2009, 8:54 PM
Mood: Tired
Listening to: the house noises
Reading: Deja demon by julie kenner
Watching: the kittens
Drinking: h2o
Fruitflesh: seeds of inspiration for women who write
by Gayle Brandeis

When I was visiting with *magicduck tonight, at the end of the evening she suggested that we should work through the above title together. I think it’s a fabulous idea, so here we go!

The book chapters are named after the parts of a tree. Which is perfect i think! It also fits in well with my idea to be working with plants in a spiritual manner, not just practical and botanical. It reminds me that I would like to browse through the library catalogue for some more information on that topic….

I am also keen to keep this idea of exploring myself going. There are some other spiritual books that will encourage me to write my own path, so I will have to do that too!

Part One: Seeds
The preface and introduction

Part Two: Roots
Where do your words come from?
Delve deep into your roots – the roots that connect your body to your family, to the earth itself, the roots that dangle beneath your desire to write. Your words will blossom most freely when they are grounded in your own fertile soil.

The Cellar
The apples in the cellar
are black, and dying inside their skins.
They pray all night in their bins,
but nobody listens;
they will be neither food nor trees.
~Anne Dillard

Step down into your body’s own root cellar….

Things I love to do but shouldn't

The internet
it’s a time waster, and I love wasting time on it. The excuse is that i’m also learning something at the same time. Which is sometimes true, but pretty rarely.

Chocolate
It’s so yummy! But comes in a form that isn’t healthy.

WOW
I am really enjoying World of Warcraft as a distraction from my woes. As a fantasy world, it’s fun to play in and imagine myself as a character; they have events for the common holidays; i get to kill stuff and explore my dark side in a safe way. So why is it a vice? Time waster. Procrastinator tool. Avoidance tactic.

Driving fast
I used to pretend I was a race car driver a lot more. Now I at least try to drive well when I remember.

Dairy, Gluten, or Coffee
It’s so not good for me. But so tasty.

Choices…

So I have some choices to make. I had some good feedback from some counselors the other day.

1. Am I acting in my best interests? Should I be more honest/truthful with the professionals? Is the crisis a way to feel the care and concern from the people in my life? Will I need to keep the crisis going in order to meet that need?

2. One thing after another has been happening, and it feels like I have no control over my life. Indeed, am I not giving up more control to all of the other professionals now involved? Is there resentment? is it expressed as my defiance and pushing away? How can I exert control in a helpful way?

3. The Wild Boar is a great image, with thick skin, growling and charging. But although it gets us through, it also keeps other people out, and prevents pauses for reflection. Why am I protective, why do I need such a thick skin/personal bubble?

4. There are too many cooks in the kitchen. Being involved with so many professionals means that my therapy might stay at this elementary level, and not move beyond. If i want to go beneath the surface, get help identifying what i know intellectually vs experientially, I may need some help. But I definitely need consistency, and a stable therapist, otherwise the frustration is going to continue.

***********

So – which therapist gets to stay, which has to go? and if I ask for a new one, how do i know I’ll like them?

what am I protecting myself from? People, the world. They hurt me all the time. But maybe I need to practice shrinking my bubble, and letting select people come closer. And allowing that good stuff to come through the bubble, to penetrate my thick skin.

I think the crisis has helped me to experientially know that i am not alone, that I have lots of love in my life. Something I knew intellectually. And I think I can say with confidence that I do not need the crisis to continue in order for me to keep feeling that love.

And yes, I think there is definitely some resentment in the cloudy mix of my baggage. Who wouldn’t be resentful? But I’ll have to come up with some potions to turn that resentment into something helpful.

 

Death Penalty

Prompt: Do you believe in the death penalty?

Sort of. If that’s an answer. If you could prove without doubt that someone took the life of another person with malicious intent, then their life should be forfeit.

But you cannot prove such things without doubt right now. And I cannot be the judge who condemns others. That is a tough position to be in.

Note of Anguish

I’m tired. Tired of trying to fit in, to find my place. To find my tribe and family. Yes, I have a loving birth family. But they live far away and have their own lives. Everyone has their own lives, and I don’t fit. I love my friends, and I know they love me. But my daily life is filled with loneliness and despair. I can’t seem to shake it or to let go of it.

I went to school, and met some amazing people. The illusion of my tribe was created. We all had similar views and plans for life. We got along, we spent everyday together. I met people that I invested significant emotion in. It seemed like my life had finally turned that corner, and my future would be brighter. But then school ended.

And betrayal, loss, and upset ensued. Betrayal is a strong word, but that’s how I feel. I had created a life for myself and this other person, inside my head for nearly 2 years. I then find out that what I thought was a potential return of such feelings was nothing more than friendly politeness. Will take 2 years to let go of that? I can’t wait around to find out. I can’t even think straight around him and it’s been a year. I can’t shake it. Every time I see him, things get shook up. Every time I hear from her, I question whether it is a real friendship or just her keep track of me.

Where does this depth of emotion come from? Why can’t it just stop? Why can’t I just turn it off and be like a robot? That’s not  any better kind of life. I want it all to end. Everything to stop.

now that this purge has started…..

walk in the woods

I went for a walk in the woods today. I decided to check out the park near my new house. It was lovely – a heron flew overhead (too quickly for me to capture on camera); ducks played in the creek; further up beavers swam and ate the foliage. I took pictures of lots of flowers: high-bush cranberry, dogwood, anemone, rose, bedstraw, chickweed, violet, and more.

I enjoyed it while I was out walking. On the way back though, I began to feel less recharged, and more reminded of my life. I saw people walking together, people running, people with dogs. All things I want: companionship, healthy system, a dog. I thought I should start my yoga practice again like I have intended. The road to hell….It seems I’m damned if I do, damned if I don’t – I feel isolated and hermit like if I stay at home. I feel sad and lonely if I go out where there are people. I’ve got to find a way around this block.

I finished reading the Hallowed Hunt by Lois McMaster Bujold today. It was quite good, gripping in fact. At the end I felt it was a good Grail story. A wounded king, needing to be healed. And good people, god=touched, to help the healing.

More grail thought is necessary…..

Summer Solstice 2010

Well, here goes. From this day forward, I hope to do some writing daily. It may not be online, or it may skip a few if I’m out in the wild without technology (yay for that!) But here’s to a habit=forming venture!

Today I spent a large potion of the day preparing to make soap, and a salve. I’ve made 2 batches of soap, which will now cure for a month. After this brief hiatus from the magical cauldron, I’m going to make a couple of salves for ritual use.

It has been a good day for me to get in touch with my witchy nature. I like stirring up the cauldron!

daily writing?

I am just now thinking about a way to bring my spiritual life into a daily practice.

I use the computer every day. (With the exception of random camping trips.)

So why not do some writing every day? Bring spiritual language into my life daily?

Something to ponder between now and solstice.

❤